


White Lilies Island

by Eilan (Yvi)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/F, Female Characters, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 06:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvi/pseuds/Eilan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily doesn't want to think about it anymore. It didn't mean anything. Narcissa didn't mean anything. It was a childish crush, nothing more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Lilies Island

Her hair is soft to the touch. Silky, even. It doesn't quite fit with its colour - a flaming red. One would think it was curly and hard to tame.

But it isn't. It is smooth as liquid and Narcissa loves to touch it.

Not openly, of course. Apart from the fact that Narcissa wouldn't dare to be seen with another girl, she would also not dare to be seen with a Gryffindor.

But she really loves her hair and maybe that's all that matters.

*

When she looks at her face it's like seeing an angel. Perfect features. Soft, luxuriant lips. White-blonde hair that frames her head like a halo. Sometimes, Narcissa seems too good to be true.

Of course, once she opens her mouth and starts to be sarcastic, that facade is shattered. But there's so much more she can do with words. Sweet nothings, whispered in the darkness of an empty classroom; soft lips on hers, gently exploring, prodding...

Lily envies Narcissa and maybe that's why she loves her. Or why she tells herself she loves her. Because Narcissa is everything she will never be. Independent, opinionated, powerful. Slytherin. Whereas Lily is always the 'nice girl'. A Gryffindor. A Mudblood.

*

Her body is beautiful. Fragile, delicious and, like her hair, soft to the touch. While her own skin is milky white, Lily's skin is darker. Still pale, but not with the unhealthy pallor of her own.

She would love to have skin like this. Maybe she would even kill to have skin like this. She's a Slytherin after all. She would do everything for that kind of perfection.

Does she love her? No. But she loves to touch her, to look at her, to hold her, to have her.

Maybe she's in love with being in love.

*

There is something about Narcissa that isn't right. But she can't put her fingers on what it is. Part of it is her need to be secretive about what they have, and Lily understands this.

Yet somehow she feels like she is more Narcissa's lover than her friend. And more a toy than her lover.

But Narcissa is strong, Lily knows this. She is probably right in the choices she makes.

*

How dare she?

How dare she betray her? Her, Narcissa. And with a Gryffindor at that? How can she come to her and expect her to understand and to forgive and to... end it?

She is a Slytherin. She will not let the little Mudblood get away with this behaviour. How dare she think that she will just smile and say adieu? Lily is hers. She will not give her up that easily.

No, not like this.

*

She called her 'Cissa' once. She never dared to do it again. Narcissa does not approve of pet names. Not at all.

James doesn't, either. But he lets her call him anything she wants if it makes her happy.

Happiness. That's what she's looking for.

But where can she find it?

*

There's something cute about the way she looks when she's upset. Narcissa guesses that it's the flush that comes upon her pale skin, matching the red hair she brushes from her eyes.

Or that it's such a rare thing to observe.

Either way, she feels the urge to kiss her, in this empty classroom. She wants to trail her fingers over that body, to stroke that hair, to claim those lips.

Everything that's his now.

She wants to own it all.

*

She can feel her lips upon her mouth. That familiar, warm contact of mingled breath; the familiar cool touch of her hands upon her skin.

This is wrong. She doesn't belong to Narcissa anymore.

She is James's.

Lily struggles with herself. She wants to break free, to stop Narcissa from... possessing her again.

She can't. She complies.

*

There's something vaguely comforting about being a secret lover.

A secret lover with power. Were James Potter ever to know about her relationship with his girlfriend, Lily would be in for trouble. Lily, not Narcissa.

Narcissa smiles at that thought. She will have her. Her body, and her mind. Lily will be hers alone.

*

Only weeks to survive. Survive, because living is not a word to describe what she does.

Lily is torn.

She loves him.

She loves him.

She loves him.

Does she love her?

She loves him.

She doesn't love her.

But she is Narcissa's.

And she loves it. In a twisted kind of way, she thrives upon being owned.

*

It's over. This time, it really is.

She will marry, she will bear children, and she will probably never see her again.

Narcissa feels no regret. She is content.

Because she had her. Lily was hers and Lily will always know it.

Lily is a Mudblood, a lesser type of person than she; yet she likes the idea of having had her. It makes her proud.

Yes, Narcissa thinks, Lily Evans was mine.

*

He proposed to her and she said yes. And what else could she have said? She loves James, after all.

Tell him, a part of her mind says. This is your last chance.

Tell him what?

That there was another one. That you were hers.

She doesn't. She marries him.

But sometimes she still dreams of blond hair and perfect features.

*

She will marry him. Lily will marry James.

Narcissa has already married. Lucius is her husband, and since leaving school she hasn't wasted a single thought on Lily.

Well, not many.

She loves Lucius. And she will give birth to his heir.

But sometimes she still thinks of red, silky hair and pale skin. Especially now.

*

A baby. She's going to have his baby.

Lily is thrilled. She always wanted to be a mother. She always wanted to have James's children.

Their family will be picture perfect, she is sure. They live in dark times, but she will have his children and everything will be alright.

Eventually, everything will be alright.

*

A baby.

Narcissa hopes it will be a boy. Then she won't need to have another one. She already hates being pregnant.

Lucius is often away and sometimes she feels alone. Sometimes she wonders if her condition makes him loathe to touch her. But what he does is important, so she bears it. She has her own life.

*

His name will be Harry. She loves the sound of it. Harry James Potter.

*

His name will be Draco. It's a family tradition. Draco Lucius Malfoy.

*

She loves to play with him. He is such a cute little boy with his dark hair and big, bright, curious eyes.

So different from her.

Lily doesn't want to think about it anymore. It didn't mean anything. Narcissa didn't mean anything. It was a childish crush, nothing more.

She stares at her reflection in the mirror and for one brief second, blue eyes seem to stare back at her.

Then she blinks and they are green once more.

*

Pointy features and light hair. Draco looks like all the Malfoys. She loves him, in a strange, detached kind of way.

He is not really hers. Nothing is really hers now. Everything she has belongs to the Malfoys.

Only her thoughts are truly her own. And her memories. Memories of once being in possession, of owning something. Or someone, that is; someone with green eyes and red hair.

*

James is dead and she will soon be as well. Lily is afraid. For herself and her baby.

She can feel him coming. Closer and closer.

She will not let him kill Harry.

*

Lily is dead. Despite the fact that Voldemort has been destroyed, Narcissa's thoughts are dominated by Lily's demise.

Lily is dead. Lily, with the green eyes, pale skin, and silky hair. Dead.

Narcissa is aware of something inside of her breaking.

Maybe, just maybe, there had been more to it.

Yes, maybe it was love.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in September 2003.
> 
> Much thanks go to Lady Unkenned aka Miranda Vine for beta-ing and thus making it not only readable, but also better.


End file.
